Institutionalised

It’s a term you hear in old prison movies like Shawshank Redemption. You know, when the inmate finally gets released into society again after 20 years in the prison system. Only to find he can’t fit in, or he doesn’t know how to act around other ‘normal’ people.

So, they eventually reoffend to go back into the system they are familiar with, or worse commit suicide, like the character Brooks in Shawshank does.

I remember watching this particular movie when I was a kid, and I just couldn’t understand the rationalisation behind these actions. I mean, how could anyone want to go back to prison, when compared to the freedom of the outside world?

How could someone become “Institutionalised’

Recently I was lucky enough to spend some time with old Army and police Vets, and when I say old, I mean mid to late 40s, so not much older than me.

I heard stories about their careers in the service and some of the things they had achieved over 20 years. Some impressive tales.

‘So now what do you do……’

‘In Civilian Street, there is no other job I can do with my skill set, so I got pensioned out. I just don’t know how to do anything else. …’

This story is not an unfamiliar one, at the age of 40, after a 20-year career in a military role, these guys were ‘Institutionalised’

Struggling to reconnect into a civilian world, find a job or career that offers the same kind of camaraderie, adrenaline rush or sense of purpose. So now, in their late 40s they struggle to find fulfillment, or a sense of belonging or purpose.

Dose this story strike a chord with anyone?

I thought about this long and hard over the coming days and weeks, and then looked at my own situation: I’ve been a business owner (In roofing) and the roofing industry for over 24 years. (Where the hell did those years go!) I wake up in the morning and put on my boots blindly, on auto pilot and start my day like a robot.

Over the years I have experienced all the pain of business ownership, I’ve tried growing it, staffing it, I’ve made some money and I’ve lost some too.

At 40, I’m burnt out, I just can’t do the job like I used to, I’ve staffed it from every angle. I find myself looking at problems that arise and where once I would grit my teeth and think Right! How do we make this work? I find myself thinking Right, what the fuck am I doing!

And this has been the cycle for the past few years, I try diversifying my skills, I investigate other industries and how I can apply my skills and yet, almost subconsciously, 6-12 months later I find myself still on the roof.

And then it hit me…. I’m institutionalised too!

Only as a self employeed civilian, I don’t have the luxury of a safety net pension. So I find myself at a fork in the road; keep grinding on auto pilot until my body is well and truly broken, or find a way to snap out of it….

So, the next question is how the hell do I break the pattern?

I’m 40 years old and looking down the barrel of another 20 years of work. My current business has run its course for me, although profitable, I feel unfulfilled, and with big changes in my lifestyle planned, I can’t see a light at the end of this roofing tunnel.

From a creative and passionate point of view, the roofing path leads to poverty for me, and my future family.

So, what’s the next step, and how do I break the cycle?

Does this predicament resonate with anyone, has anyone found the answer?

This next month I will set new goals, make new plans and start the deinstitutionalisation training, how…. I have no idea!

Stay tuned. Photo just for fun:)

BB

Newsletter #9 Institutionalised